Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.


on April 28, 2009

Arwen has been told by her medical doctor that she needs counseling about several things; the death of her mother, dealing with coworkers and problems with her marriage. She vehemently denies that she and Chane are having problems. Yet this weekend, Chane shared with me how she will not spend time with him but expects him to want to have sex with her. She won’t even enter a conversation of any length with him. Wants him to listen how her day went as they drive 45 minutes home but won’t listen to how his went. She claims it is because she doesn’t understand his job. To me, that is beside the point. He just needs you to listen. Dirk has told me that he has given up on trying to tell her about his day at work. She just doesn’t listen to him either.

I had long conversation with Dirk during our 2 hour drive back from their house Monday morning. Told him some things that I was free to tell from my conversation with Chane. Dirk told me he and Arwen are having problems as well (I sensed this) but he is having trouble pinpointing what they are exactly. He says everything is always someone else’s fault with Arwen. She refuses to see how others feel about things (even the three of us). And the one that scares me….she is becoming emotionally clingy to Dirk again. This I can not handle right now. It brings up too many issues from our past that I have been trying to put behind me. However, the scabs are just forming on some of the wounds. Arwen would have taken Dirk away from me in a heartbeat if she could have. She almost succeeded. I have to trust Dirk not to let things get the way they were in the beginning. Thing with that is…I’ve been having to build my trust back for Dirk because of things he has let happen. And I’m not going into those here.

But, I think they are having marriage problems. I offered for Dirk and I to step back for a little while so they could work on things. She will turn to Dirk unless she doesn’t have another choice. However, Dirk and I also feel this is a time when Chane needs his friends and loved ones the most. We are unsure how to proceed.

Chane wanted to make the trip to see his dad the weekend prior to when we actually went. He specifically asked Arwen to ask for that weekend off. She called to see if she was on the schedule. She wasn’t. Should have been great, right? Arwen asked them to put her on the schedule even though Chane had asked her to take the weekend off so they could go see his dad. Now, this pissed Chane off, true, but it hurt him as well.

Examples, (and I am not just taking Chane’s word for these since Arwen will admit it if you ask her…she doesn’t see anything wrong with her behavior), Chane will ask her to go to a movie with him and ask her which she would like to see. She says she doesn’t care and he’ll name 4 or 5 that he would like to see and tell her again that they can see one she would like to see. She then says she doesn’t want to see any he listed and will go on to say she doesn’t even want to go now since he didn’t mention the one she wanted to see. Now, he asked her twice which one she wanted to see and she didn’t name one either time. He asked her to go to a gun show with him (Dirk and I were going as well) and she said she doesn’t like them (well, I don’t either really and I just followed them around most of the time) and wouldn’t go. She chose to get her hair done. Then once it was she kept calling Chane to see when he was leaving the show (called 4 or 5 times). We all finally just left and went to met her at the mall. Not only didn’t she go with him but she wasn’t willing to let him spend as long as he’d like there. He has asked her to watch a TV show with him. She says no. Now, if it wasn’t her type of show, she could have at least sat with him and read a book. It’s all about spending time together. In any way that you can. That makes you closer. And when you are close you have a tendency to want sex. Which is all she appears to want from either of them other than waiting on her. An example of how bad that is…she’ll get out of bed to go to the bathroom and come back into the room, get back in bed and immediately ask one of them to go get her something to drink. Now, she had to walk through the kitchen to get to the bathroom and back to the bedroom.

I don’t get her, I don’t trust her much, and this behavior just pisses me off. And I’d say something to her when her asks me to wait on her if I thought she my guys wouldn’t reap some of the repercussions. I hold my tongue a lot to save them that. There are times I want to tell her she doesn’t deserve either one of them and just take both my men home with me and show them that I appreciate them very much.


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