Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Relationship difficulties

on July 5, 2009

ist1_6210469-couple-in-the-stormDirk and Arwen have been having problems for quite some time now and I think that’s even evident in this blog. He’s let so many things slide there trying to make everyone happy. I have told him how impossible this is because I tried the same for so long that it almost caused a breakdown for me.

Now, it is apparent that instead of things getting better between Chane and Arwen they are at an all time low. And part of the problems Dirk and Arwen have stem from the ones Chane and Arwen have. While it will seem that all I am doing is ganging up on Arwen here, the truth is, I’ve avoided stating exactly how bad things are with her because I was afraid to sound just that way.

Chane rarely, rarely shares with me when he and Arwen are having problems while Arwen does nothing other than call and bitch with Dirk about the problems she is having with Chane. However, it is absolutely always Chane’s fault. But that isn’t anything new. It is always someone else’s fault. Whether that is Dirk, myself, her boys, the people she works with, her long-time ex husband or her mom for dying, it is never Arwen’s fault. And now that she is in therapy, she only talks about how her counselor tells her the same thing. When that really isn’t what he’s doing. When you get the exact words from him from her, he is just telling her why she feels as she does not that she doesn’t need to work on it.

Back on track I guess, is the fact that both Dirk and, even worse, Chane  have been thinking about leaving Arwen since she refuses to even try and work things out and wants them to do all the changing. And I have been good about letting both my men deal with Arwen as they see fit. (I came to the conclusion that they were grown men and if they chose to let her mistreat them there was not a thing in the world that I could really do about it. It seems that once I quit trying in intervene with her on their behalf and then them having to deal with the consequences of that, they were able to handle things better for themselves. Though this wasn’t the result I expected or even wanted.) Both of them having reached their limits has brought things to a head. Dirk having the near death experience has decided life is too short for anyone to be living unhappily and if things cannot improve between he and Arwen he just wants out. Rather hurt and know it will eventually go away than hurt constantly and just be unhappy all the time. Chane really has a bigger investment and truly wants to see his marriage work. However, he cannot make that happen all by himself. I am so worried and I hurt for both my men. I want them both to have all the happiness this life has to offer them. I hate to see them like this. But I cannot fix this for them. I wish that I could. This lies in Arwen’s court and I just don’t know that if she is willing to truly try.

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