Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Things progressing

on July 28, 2009

520688_stepping_stonesWe’ve spent time with Chane and Arwen the past two weekends. Dirk and Arwen seem to be working things out rather well for them.

The only problem is that, once again, Dirk just can’t seem to get along with both Arwen and I at the same time. He is trying to communicate with me, reading between the lines of what I say for the true meaning, like he has to with Arwen. I, however, say what I mean. There is no hidden or double meaning. But he insists that the meaning he comes up with is the true and correct one. He refuses to believe that the meaning of what I say is actually what I said. He is getting very defensive again and refusing to have calm rational discussions with me.

I can not go through anything that is remotely near to what he put me through before. I will break if I try to do that again. I do not really know how I made it through 2 years (at least) of this the first time around.

I’m going to try not to be the doormat I was then and refuse to be treated like that again. No matter the outcome of sticking up for myself.

I’m so confused and hurt that he would try this again. I really didn’t think it would ever be something he did again. It makes me feel that he only wants and turns to me when things are not good between he and Arwen. But now they are not fighting and the sex has even gotten good again. Does he feel he doesn’t need to put in the effort for our relationship? Does he not want our relationship until he is struggling with Arwen? I am not going to stand for being shit on again for her. I’m not going to always be last again for her. If that is what he wants, I will leave this time. I truly thought he realized after all our talks and work on our relationship that I would not be in that position again. I will take up for myself this time. I will not do the fighting for both his side and my side to keep our relationship going again. I DO deserve better. I am willing to leave them all this time. I do NOT have to put up with mistreatment.



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