Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Getting Back on Path

on August 5, 2009

1176416_couple_walking“Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.”—Author Unknown

I read this quote before Chane and I had our talk last night. It had already helped me with how I was going to deal with things post-talk, regardless of what was said. It made me think that I was loving with conditions when I expected certain things from Chane. While I still do not find it wrong for me to have asked for something from him, it did make me realize that he may not be capable of giving it. I had decided that unless Chane told me something that I didn’t know and it was something I just absolutely could not live with, I was going to keep things status quo…not change my feelings for him to match his feelings for me.

We had a really good talk. About three and a half hours. While we still do not agree on how somethings that happened should have been handled and even why the other would think as they do, we did concede that we each had some valid points. It just took a lot of explaining on both our parts.

It had been my intention to make Chane open up the dialogue because I needed to know how he felt and what his issues were. He just couldn’t do it. Though I don’t feel it was because he didn’t want to discuss things, but because he just didn’t know where to start. It is so hard for him to open up to me. I am the hardest for him to do that with for some reason and I asked him why that was. He wants to avoid my reactions and he wants to avoid conflict with me. I do not think that all conflict is bad. But, I did have to tell him, just as I had to tell Dirk a week or so ago, I am not Arwen…do NOT continue to try and communicate with me the same way you do with her. We are so very different that it just won’t work with me. They have to learn how to communicate with me…in a way that is effective to us both.

Chane and I discussed many things and I think we made good progress, we do still have some work to do. He has to learn how to open up to me. If he wants our relationship to grow and move forward he has to let me in.

I just am too tired to try to list all that we talked about but I will try to get back to that shortly…or maybe just bring them up as they come up in life. Who knows right now.


One response to “Getting Back on Path

  1. redsirenn says:

    Regarding the quote – true, but hopefully you can tell it is love regardless of how they act. That is what is important. And love is decisions, choices, actions… not words.

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