Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.


on August 9, 2009

110_F_15222687_OlPIOxuwoloOyxOnU5hlSCvzue0BHoRV“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.”–Thomas Hardy

Disappointment weighs heavy on me right now.

It’s been less than a week…Tuesday night to be exact…that Chane promised to talk with me about feelings. I’ve been the one placing myself out on that limb by myself. I had a rough day yesterday regarding Arwen and I shared part of it with him but was waiting to share the rest when we had the chance to talk last night. He knew how upset, and to an extent mad, that I was. Hurt turns to anger for me because I find that easier to deal with at times. He failed to ask me anything about it and when I asked twice this morning why he wouldn’t even talk to me, he didn’t respond either time. Now, I’m sorry if I’m out of place here but, that does not seem like he’s trying to me at all.

I’m not going to ask him again. One of the issues, the one I was waiting to talk about, was that he had hurt me to make Arwen happy about something. And it isn’t the first time he’s done this…over the exact same thing. And, yes, I’ve explained to him more than once how he makes me feel when he does this. And she has been told how it makes me feel as well. But it stops neither of them from doing it again and again. It seems like a small thing I guess if I explained it better to everyone but why would they keep doing it without even telling me why?

I just do not know if I can live with my wishes and my needs not getting met until everyone else’s have been met first. That what I need from Chane seems to be not important enough to him to even do more than say he will “try” and then he never does.

I’m at my wit’s end as to how to handle this and even if I can. Do you I even want to? Well, yes, I have always wanted to because I love this man so much, but is that enough? Love isn’t always enough sometimes…I do know that. Is this one of those times?


2 responses to “Disappointment

  1. redsirenn says:

    Hi – me again.
    I don’t usually comment on other’s blogs, but yours hits a chord with me. Without going into detail, I know how you must feel. It may be hard, but you have given him so many chances… I see that you can feel it in your gut, and it must hurt to feel cornered like this. I know it is hard, but try standing up for yourself instead of asking for respect from him, for anyone, just go and get it. Get angry for a moment… write down (for yourself) what you need. And follow your heart! I loved someone deeply that was poison for me, and it took a huge catastrophic event to make me leave… but I did. It felt amazing, and I am happier now.
    If you feel like talking, please e-mail me.

  2. ourquad says:

    Thank you so much for your comments. Perspectives from others is always good. I’ll post a blog on a bit hopefully, but my son helped me get this in perspective today.

    That was cool for me.

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