Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Advice from your child

on August 13, 2009

110_F_6404172_2oOboHLGUobcaBYyWWwCC6zRuSx84UdwWhen did my child grow up on me?

Chane and my oldest are always talking. They are friends and I am glad for that. Chane shared more of our issues lately with Oldest Son than I have. So, O Son talked to his mom some today. He sees fault in both Chane and I…which is good because there is. So, eventually Son sent me a text to just call Chane and apologize for everything. I asked him why I should do that since I’ve already apologized for things I could have handled differently. Son told me to calm down and be the bigger person. He said that’s what I always taught him to do growing up. And yes, I did to an extent. When he heard those words from me it was because he had yet to apologize for anything and someone had to make the first step.

While, his advice was not wholly applicable and I didn’t really like it at the time, it did make me stop and think. Chane and I were not getting anywhere the way we were going. Just talking in circles trying to force the other to see our point of view. So, I had already fulfilled the first part of what Son adviced me to do but, I did need to do some calming down. I thought and thought and I would have given someone else that same advice…calm down and revisit the talks when you are both less emotional.

So, I called Chane…something that man was not going to do (stubborn we are) first. We talked…a little awkwardly at first but more naturally before we were through. We didn’t talk about anything we have been arguing about. We talked normal, everyday small talk for a bit until things felt better between us and then we hung up. We’ve texted…our most common form of communication during the day and that was normal and even addressed some of the things we have been beating back and forth. Just on a smaller scale and more civilly.

I’m calming down, going to reconnect with Chane as the four of us go to see Son and his new wife this weekend, and once he and I appear to be able to talk more rationally, I will bring these issues up again. They need to be resolved and they were tearing us apart the way we were going on. Literally. Just the adjustment in my attitude today caused some small amount of talking already.

It a strange and weird world when your child helps you through a relationship crisis with the man you love…and that man is not his father to whom you are still married. I have a great child.

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