Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Thread of Our Lives

on August 26, 2009

87629972In my previous post today, I mentioned how I love Dirk and Chane the same but my bond with Dirk is stronger. I don’t know if I’ve explained what this means to me here before but I am rather sure that I have not devoted an entire post to this concept. So, here goes….

Dirk and I have 27 years together and Chane and I have 2 1/2 years together. While the disparity in years can have absolutely no bearing on the intensity of the love felt for either of them, it can, and does, have a bearing on the bond we have.

As the years of one’s life goes by, I like to think of the events and people from those years as threads. Each thread is connected to all the others in some way. In the canvas, tapestry, or blanket of your life, these threads can be directly wrapped around each other or inches further along in the pattern. But they are all there. Whether Dirk and I participated in an event together or not…or we both knew a certain person or not..threads from our separate lives as well as our combined lives are now being woven into this tapestry.

And that’s why the deparity in years matters to the bond I have with of my men. Dirk and I have many years together and our tapestry is tight and getting large. Chane and I have few years together and are just starting our tapestry together. The weave isn’t as tight, not as many years to push all the threads together, and it isn’t very large at this point. We are working on the time together and the sharing of the things we do while apart to make our tapestry bigger.

Now, there are things that you’ll find in my tapestry with Dirk that you will never find in my tapestry with Chane. Dirk and I practically grew up together…we’ve been together since we were 18 years old. Rights of passage that I will never go through with Chane. Dirk and I have children together…have even lost one together. Having a child together will not be in the tapestry Chane and I are making together. Doesn’t make the tapestry we will have any less….just different. Chane and I will always have in our tapestry the knowledge that we are not monogamous. That we met on a different road in life than the one Dirk and I met on. You’ll see both roads traveled in the one I have with Dirk.

You’ll find things the same in both tapestries as well. When the four of us do something together or have people we know in common, that will be plain in both. When Chane and I do something without Dirk or Arwen, you’ll find that more prominent in the tapestry I have with Chane but, because it effects me, it will show to some degree in the one I have with Dirk as well.

I never know if I’ve explained something in a way that others can picture what I mean how why I feel the way I do. I hope you got what I was trying to say here. That though I love both these men with all my heart, my bonds with them will never be the same. I can live with that. I want to continue weaving our tapestries for years to come. Even though the one with Dirk is in the more intricate stage and the one with Chane in a more beginner’s stage, I expect each to more intricate as the years pass.

And aren’t I the lucky one to have such two shining examples of beauty in my life of different shades and colors and patterns?

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