Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Normal Weekend

on September 12, 2009


So far this weekend, things have been what I would call normal. I sometimes wonder why I can not seem to be satisfied with what I have with Chane. While we are together he is attentive to me and my needs. As well as most men and definitely better than some. I know women who would be happy to be in my shoes. He is not ashamed of me. He tells just about anyone about me. It isn’t his fault that some people just do not believe him. LOL

I think that I am most likely spoiled. My relationship with Dirk is different. We’ve also had many more years to develop that relationship. I have to remind myself (and I guess I do not do that enough) that my relationship with each of my men will be different from the other. And how many times have I said I like the diversity of all this? I do.

I just miss Chane. I get lonely I think. A thread on a forum I belong to got me to thinking about this. I am used to the time I have to spend apart from Dirk because of his shift work. I like alone time but have always gotten a bit lonely the nights we aren’t together. Now, I miss a lot of his off time because we are all four together or he is with Arwen. He and I have gotten good at making the most of the time we have together. But I think I get more lonely than I used to when he worked nights and stuff because I know that I have someone I could spend a little of that time with and I don’t get to. Selfish? Maybe.

Chane and I have so many more chances to see each other than Dirk and Arwen. I just would like for us to take advantage of that. And we have time we can spend together that does not take any time away from what we get to spend with Dirk and Arwen. I think that is what gets me as well. We have time to spend together that doesn’t take away from our primary relationships and we just don’t do it. I feel it is a waste. I know Chane likes the quad time but there are opportunities that don’t interfere with that either.

But, for the most part, I have a good relationship with Chane. I just want a little more from it that he seems to. But he has the right to feel as he does as much as I have the right to my feelings. I need to remember that.


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