Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Has He Given Up The Fight?

on September 15, 2009

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I know that I have been sharing lately about how I’ve felt the relationship with Chane and I has been going and I’m wondering if my perceptions may have not taken into account the whole story.

I was praying yesterday and in the prayer I asked God, again, was this poly relationship not what he wanted for me. I’ve been struggling with it again. Not if it’s right but, with the dyad relationship Chane and I have. Then, last night while driving home, some thoughts came to me

Once upon a time Chane seemed to put as much importance on our dyad relationship as he did the quad relationship. To the extent of just he and I going away for a weekend together (of course, it goes without saying Dirk and Arwen were free to do the same). He used to ask me to do some things with him. I most often turned him down because I was afraid or knew Dirk wouldn’t like it. Those are just a couple of examples.

No, here’s the theory I came up with after these thoughts came to me. Has Chane quit seeking time alone with me because he has given up on it? Has me turning him down in the past due to some issues Dirk had (which aren’t there any more), the deal with Dirk and Arwen nearly spitting up. etc made him believe it is futile? That he has to cultivate the quad relationship more than our dyad just so we can be together period? I get discouraged and disappointed at times. Was he feeling like this and it’s just easier not to let himself want things like that any more?

I am going to have to talk with him about this…just need to decide the best way. Face-to-face or not. I’m not sure when I’ll see him again. In a month?

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