Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

His Heart Is Broken

on September 28, 2009

SSI0014468_VeerMy youngest moved in with his girlfriend a month and a half ago. Since then, things have completely turned around in their relationship.

I’m his mom but that doesn’t mean I do not know his faults. However, from what I can tell, and I’ve been called by both of them on this matter, it doesn’t seem his behavior has changed. Her’s has. I think it is a big case of getting out on her own, starting college and thinking she wants something different. She claims she wants to be a kid again. Well, moving out on your own is a sure fire way for that luxury to end. Granted, her family is mostly paying her half of the bills for her. The ones she was to be responsible for halving with our son, she has left up to him to pay.

I have no problem with realizing you can not live with someone and needing to end the relationship. However, I have a problem if you chose to be cruel in doing so.

He is having such a difficult time dealing with this. He can not understand how she could love him enough to move in with him such a short while ago and now to have no feelings for him at all. I think he is having such a hard time handling this because of the drastic change in her behavior. That she is being cruel when that was never her way before.

I would absolutely love to be able to lessen this pain for him. Or at least to make it shorter in duration. But that is the spare your child part of the mother in me. The realistic part of the mother in me knows that he will have to face this at least once in his life and it is a learning tool. That part of me knows that sparing him now will not help him in the long haul.

I can not convince him, however, that I do know what it is like to have a broken heart. Apparently, that is something neither his dad or I could have possibly have lived through. (Yeah, you hear the sarcasm.) I don’t try to sugar coat it for him. He has asked my opinion on whether I think she’ll come around and want to make things work out with him. I do not. From her behavior, I think she means this to be permanent. So, I tell him that when he asks me. False hopes are not something he needs and not something I can give him. No matter how much I’m aware he would like to hear that from me.

The thing I regret is, not really having better advice. Well, my advice isn’t bad. I just wish I could explain it in a way that he could actually wrap his head around. You’d think that I have enough relationship experience to help him. But it is my relationship experience that knows this will take time. That his pain will not be over tomorrow or even next week. It could be there for a long while considering how deep his feelings for her are. But I know, as most of you do, that each day the time he can go without feeling like he isn’t going to make it will be less and less. The five minutes he can go today without thinking of it will turn into ten and then fifteen and then thirty and so on and so on.

It is painful to me to watch him go through this. It is painful to watch your child hurt in any way. Being a parent sucks at times. And he won’t realize that not only do I know how he is feeling now, that I have actually been through this myself, but that it hurts to watch your child go through pain unless and until he has children of his own and goes through something like this with them. And the mother in my would spare him that as well if I could.

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