Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Why Does She Try To Make Everything About Her?

on September 30, 2009

SSI0002838_VeerI honestly do not understand how Arwen can come up with the conclusions she does. I do not understand why she has to try and make everything about her.

I know she does this and I went the extra step today to try and avoid that this time. It isn’t just with me. It is with all three of us…and at times everyone in general.

I have a couple of commitments this month and they are for times we normally all spend together or would like to. I thought I had communicated with all of them personally what they were and that I wouldn’t be able to do the normal things. And I have them on our shared google calendar…which is becoming pretty obvious that no one pays attention to. When it became clear that one or more of them had forgotten what I told them or maybe I hadn’t gotten to them in the telling, I sent texts to each one of the at the same time explaining what my commitments where, when they were and that my commitments shouldn’t interfere with the three of them going ahead with any plans in the works. I was trying to be nice and reassuring. However, since I know the tendency that Arwen has, I stated plainly that it was so they would not feel obligated to forgo anything because of me and that I wasn’t being mean or anything. I went out of my way to insure I wasn’t misunderstood.

But what the hell do you think happened? Arwen took it wrong. I was mainly making sure the two guys didn’t back out of something she was looking forward to because we all couldn’t go. But she decided I was what? Finding a way out of doing something she wanted to do? What? She would only snap at Dirk when he called her and refused to tell him why. Something he finds very frustrating and more than irritating. If she has a problem with something he wants her to tell him what it is. Not just allude to it or be pissy about it. She does the same with all of us. I am not the only one tired of her attitude. I am just the last one to get that way.

Truth, is…Arwen is the one that limits our time all together more so than even Dirk’s shift work. We have learned to schedule around that. Arwen choses to get 2nd jobs no matter that both men have asked her not to. And her hours for the 2nd jobs never coincide with the hours Dirk has off with his primary job. We used to get to see each other on the weekends even if Dirk was working. They could come down here and stay and spend time with him once he got off. She works three weekends a month. Only trying to schedule the one weekend a month off that is the only one Dirk has completely off. This severely limits quad time and even dyad time for the secondary relationships. Chane will not come stay at our home on a weekend she can not come. I understand why he does that. I get a bit frustrated because he has asked her, as has Dirk, not to take these jobs. It is difficult enough for us all to see each other.

Knowing that we have problems fitting time in, I did not want to ruin any time that the three of them could spend together that I couldn’t. But she obviously can not see that. She assumes something directed at her all the time. That any ones behavior is directly related to her. And never in a good way. We are all out to get her. We all can never let her be right. Same shit just a different day.

I’m so very tired of it all. It makes me just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up on the whole relationship. Which isn’t fair to the rest of us.

We had plans to eat out with them Friday night and while talking with her today, she told me where she would like to go. It is not a favorite place of mine and Dirk’s at all but I’m sure we can find something on the menu we can eat. Going somewhere she suggests was more important to her than me really liking the place. She thinks we don’t ever want to do something she suggests. Not true but related to her whole attitude about things. I told Dirk she wanted to go there and to not tell her no. It was important and we could more than tolerate the place. He was trying to talk to her about it when she snapped and said she didn’t know if we were all still going to meet. That Dirk would have to ask Chane and I. WTF? It was never mentioned not going. The two dates I was talking about were the 10th and the 31st of October. She just got her panties in a wad and was trying to stir up trouble. I don’t know if she has totally pissed Dirk off enough that he’ll refuse to go now or not But, I have shared with all of them that I probably will not go. I have had a rough week and it will not be getting better. It is fiscal year end at work, something I have explained many times to all three of them in the past few weeks. I just don’t have it in me to smooth Arwen’s feelings. Especially over something that she has chosen to make a big deal out of and is clear I didn’t mean anything bad by.

I will not try to mollify her as I have in the past over something that is clearly not my fault. And Dirk got extremely put out with me this evening when he thought I was doing that. He says I let her influence and control my behavior way to much. And he is right. I don’t as much as I used to everyone will admit. I am not the doormat that I was. I am more true to my personalilty these days. And it makes me not even want to be the giving person that I was trying to be when I sent the messages. Why should a person make the effort to be nice and giving when it is only going to be taken and twisted to suit another’s personality flaws?

Ok., I guess that is enough of a rant.

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