Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Relationship Obstacles For Your Secondary

on October 7, 2009

SPI1724135_VeerIt is difficult for me when Chane and Arwen are struggling. Especially when I can agree with why he is so upset. And it is over issues that happen repeatedly. I struggle when I know she is showing Chane disrespect.

The hardest part is that I do not know how to help him.

I listen to him. To be truthful, it has to be bad before Chane will say more than a thought or two. The shape he was in today made me just want to go get him and bring him home and spoil him a little.

I know that I can not talk with Arwen. She doesn’t take things like that well, especially from me. She likes to complain to Dirk that things are all Chane’s fault. Now, I know that there are two sides to every story. But, the only things he has mentioned to me, are things that both Dirk and I have seen personally. And some of the things are things she does to the two of us as well. And as I write this, I feel I have posted on this before.

I would love to keep these things from happening to either of my men.

I do know that I am not perfect. I can be a bitch. I’m human. But I do try to let both the men I love know that I respect them, that things they want to do I am willing to do with them, that I enjoy time spent with them and that they are important to me. I want to let them know that they do not have to do things for me. That they do not have to do things that are only important to me. When they do things I want to do, I let them know I appreciate it and doing that with them made whatever it was more important to me. When they ask if there is something I want to do, I tell them if I have a preference and tell them it doesn’t matter if I don’t. I try to make what I say mean what I mean.

I don’t set out to hurt their feelings intentionally. I definitely would hate to find that I have been disrespectful to them. If I had three children from a previous marriage and I found a man to love me and them as if they were his own I’d cherish that. I would not throw in the man’s face that these are MY children. That he has nothing to do with them. This is the man the children love and think of as their own dad. She says this when he doesn’t agree with her on how something regarding them should be handled. Or at times, just when she is out to hurt him.

That makes me mad but I’ve learned not to let them come out. It just makes things worse. And there really isn’t anything I can do to make things better.


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