Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Life Is Good

on October 29, 2009

green the good lifeI’ve been thinking about our life a lot today. The choices we’ve made. How we’ve handled this polyamorous relationship…with the mistakes we’ve made and the things we have done right. We’ve come out in a good place I feel. But, it’s been a while since I’ve had this conversation with Chane. Dirk and I are doing amazingly well these days. In our marriage and in our attitudes and how comfortable we are with all of this. I wish I knew what was the final “click” for us. I’d share it with others if I could figure it out. But, then, that probably wouldn’t be their final click.

I’ve thought about that Chane seems to know when I am upset and confused and frustrated enough to blog about us. He doesn’t read my blog even though he knows that I have one because I talk about it a lot and have even asked him to read a post or two. Once I blog about something, he seems to work on that problem. Even if I haven’t been able to fully explain to him, in a way that he can get, what that problem is. Or he’ll just be more loving towards me. Or is it that I am noticing more about what he does because I’ve been emotional. Odds are, it is a little of both.

Dirk continues to amaze me. He has always been a good man to me. Falling in love with Arwen and then all of us falling into this relationship has thrown him. Well, it’s thrown all of us some. Dirk has just been the last to come around or the slowest to once the NRE wore off for him. But he has truly changed so much. I’m more in love with him every day. Knowing that he loves me enough to have worked so hard to enjoy seeing me happy with Chane can only make me love him more. He and I are so close right now and are communicating so well. It’s a bit like the honeymoon stage. I’m confident that he is going to be ok with something I say now, or something I do, or want to do. I do not have to walk on eggshells the way I did. I can not tell you how freeing that it. How freeing it is to know we love and trust each other so much.

That love and trust from Dirk is giving me the chance to be more confident in my relationship with Chane as well. Not having to worry about how Dirk will feel about something frees me up to learn more about Chane and what he and I have. As I mentioned in an earlier post this week, Dirk helped me deal with some issues about Chane. Imagine talking with your spouse about problems you are having with your boyfriend. Or Dirk talking with me about issues or concerns or fun times he has with Arwen. And being concerned or happy, depending on the circumstances, regarding what is going on with said boyfriend or girlfriend.

I also think that I mentioned Dirk and I tried a new church out Sunday. It’s about an hour away and is the closest Unitarian Universalist church I was able to find. I emailed the pastor before hand to get a feel for how they would handle us in a poly relationship. She said as far as she knows, they do not have anyone currently in the church that is in one. We can either come and keep it to ourselves, or if we like, we can be open and she’ll help us educate the congregation on what a polyamorous relationship is. I think we have really decided to be open from the start about this. We want more and more places where we don’t have to try and hide how we feel about each other. And if you are around us long, you can tell there is something more than just friendship. Dirk and Arwen have to work Sunday morning. Chane has told me that he will go to church with me. So, last week I go with my husband, this week with my boyfriend…wonder if anyone will notice the difference…I can’t wait for a chance for all four of us to go together.

My life is good right now. I’m not going to wonder when the next shoe is going to drop. I am going to enjoy the good times while they are here.

May you have some of the good times yourself.


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