Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

My Hands Are Tied

on November 23, 2009

My hands are tied. And frankly is stresses me that I can not help either of my men with this.

Both of them are struggling with their relationships with Arwen. And I have to be honest here, I have just about given up on her. She and I do not have any more contact, for the most part, than is absolutely necessary. I’ve long reach the point of being tired of her “it has to be my way” attitude. And her not caring about any one else’s feelings.

Dirk is hurting today. Arwen sent him a message that she will more than likely chose to work next weekend. His one weekend off a month. This will be the third weekend in a row that she has done something else. The first instance was when my family came for a visit and she pitched a fit. Was essentially mad that they would come on “her weekend”. They live in another state. They come when they can. And she was invited to come down as normal and to spend some time with them as well. Nope, she decided she was going to ask to work at her 2nd job that weekend without consulting any one else, not even Chane.

The second instance, last month, we understand. Their son was on leave from London and they had some things planned that he wanted to to. Fine, not a problem with either Dirk or myself. Though she did get mad at us for not being at her house at 11:00 pm when they got home Sunday nigh

Now, she is planning on working the weekend he has off this time. Not this weekend but the next. First weekend in December. Once again without consulting anyone else, including Chane again. And when Dirk showed a bit of hurt feelings, she fussed at him.

He is really debating whether his relationship is worth are the work…and, unfortunately, it is a lot of work on his part. Without much on her part. He deserves so much more.

Chane does as well. And he gets it worse than Dirk. She really shows this man no respect at all. Constantly complains (and I know most of this because I see it and she actually tells me thinking I will agree with her), constantly says the children he has helped her raise (not biologically his) are HER children and not his and his opinions do not matter, refuses to spend time with him when he asks her and then wants to know why he doesn’t do anything with her, why he “doesn’t want her” and “do you even love me any more”.

WTF does she expect from him? From either of them actually?

Ok, I can do sex for sex sake. I can fuck someone when that is all it is. And just fucking is what I do with my men sometimes. But when fucking someone one you don’t have a real relationship with, you don’t need much else. When fucking or making love to someone you are in a relationship with, a little more than “ok, let’s fuck” is required.

For me, and I had this conversation with both Chane and Dirk and even as men they agree, when I am dealing with someone I love I need the good out of bed as well as the good in bed. Now, the good in bed can make things better out of bed, true. But the good treatment out of bed is needed as well for things to be good in bed. If I were being treated like this by either Chane or Dirk, I wouldn’t be much inclined to be seeking sex with the one treating me thus. In a committed relationship it is all connected.

Arwen just does not get this. And she wants sex when she wants and and only when she wants it is seems.

I’m worried about how this is affecting both Dirk and Chane. I don’t say much to them about how I feel she is behaving because they are in enough pain as it is. And I would like to sit her down and just paint a picture of what she is doing but that isn’t a good option. And neither think it should have to be done that way. They feel what they are saying to her should be enough. And it should.

How do I deal with this? Have any of you come across something similar? What did you do?

Right now, I feel like I am just waiting to pick up the pieces.

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