Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Need Help With Our Poly Group

on November 24, 2009

The leader of our poly group and I have talked about how to get more people to attend, and attend regularly, our monthly meet and greet. We both feel that a discussion of some kind would be best to keep things interesting for all. I emailed one of the authors of a blog I read because she facilitates their local poly group discussions and I was looking for opinions and ideas. She really came through for me.

The following is the email I sent her in response:

Thank you so much! I never expected you to send all of that but, I really do appreciate it.

The group isn’t mine nor am I the leader. They are friends of mine and we were talking about ideas to boost attendance. Currently, it is just a time to get together for dinner or something and talk. However, I feel this is not conductive to keeping people around. I think the age difference is a problem when conversations are just wondering here and there. Most of those attending regularly have children and such. The few younger ones that attend really do not have anything to contribute when the topic gets around to that. I don’t want to lose them.

Plus, I feel that issues should be, and need to be discussed, since we have people in full poly relationships and some just a bit curious and some caught somewhere in between the extremes. Truthfully, if it were a topic most people were interested in, I wouldn’t care if it were poly related or not. Though I think I would like to always steer clear of politics and religion.

The outlines you sent are great. I’m going to be sharing them with the group leader and see where I can get this to go. Our area is in amongst small towns and I would hate for what is just getting started to die out so quickly.

I’m a planner and I could know I could facilitate the discussions but would also like to see if someone else would be interested before I volunteer. I’m not going to leave the group but if having a job within the group keeps someone else coming, then I would rather they do this. Plus, I’ve overloaded myself with jobs such as this in the past and I’m not going to get in that situation again. This seems to be gaining in importance for me and I will do the job if needed. (And I’m told by my husband and boyfriend that I don’t mind asking the tough questions.)

The holidays are a bit of a problem the next two months since we normally meet on the fourth Thursday. We have a family picnic of sorts for November planned. We want to make sure we offer some type of event so as not to lose those we have attending now.

Discussions won’t start until after the new year I imagine but I hope we can do this and get the word out that this is coming to peek every one’s interest.

You’ve been a big help and encouragement. I know that things are a bit different with us as a quad than it is with you but you’ve helped me with things since I’ve been reading your blog. I share with the others but none of them read things and research things the way I do. I started our own blog hoping they would participate as well but its just me.

Thank you so much!


This idea is something that I truly feel is almost mandatory for our group to be a success and a help to those who participate.  I don’t want to force it on anyone. I just remember how lost I/we were at the beginning of this relationship. We still have our moments, as does any type of relationship, and I know that we can learn from these discussions.

It’s odd amongst the regulars that have been attending, we are at times perceived as the most experienced. Actually, that’s downright scary if you want to know the truth. But, still, if I/we could help someone avoid some of the pitfalls we’ve landed in, then we are using our struggles for something good.

So, I have questions for you readers.

Do you attend meetings for a local poly group?

Do your meetings have discussions? Care to share some of those topics?

Has your group found certain types of outlines, meals, or just refreshments to be the most successful?

Anything you’d like to share with me would be most appreciated.


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