Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Three Instead of Four

on December 6, 2009

This weekend was supposed to have been all four of us together. Dirk has one weekend a month off and Arwen has promised to always take that one off.(Well, since she decided to work on the weekends when none of us really wanted her to.) This is the third month in a row she has not been able to spend time with us and Dirk in particular like she should have done. She managed to spend time yesterday evening and a little this morning with Dirk and us.

Now, I will not lie to you. I have enjoyed the time I’ve had with both my men at once. Just it can be a bit hard on me when I know full well they are both missing her. Dirk particularly since he gets to see her so infrequently.

Dirk has felt that when this happens for the majority of the weekend like it has recently, he is keeping Chane and I from doing something we would have done if we were able to spend time alone. I hate that he feels like he is a “third wheel” at times. I never want him to feel that way. Chane doesn’t want him to feel that way.

However, I do realize why those thoughts can enter Dirk’s head. And I feel for him that he wants to spend time with Arwen and she doesn’t seem to find that as important as he does.

It leaves me in the position of dividing my time. For the most part, we three are doing things at the same time. But, I do try to spend a few minutes alone with each of them when Arwen does this. I just want to know that I find them both important to me. They both seem to understand what I am doing and why I am doing it. For example, we were a bit stir crazy late this afternoon and the three of us decided to go shopping for a few things. Both were interested in looking at some of the same things and each had some things they wanted to look at that made them go in different directions. I tried to go with each for a little bit separately. I hated leaving either of them alone. Though I found both of them seemed to be ok with that.

So, I guess in a way, I was trying to fill in with both of them the empty spot that Arwen not being around left. I found it both a tad nerve racking and enjoyable at the same time. I love them both so much. I like to spend time with the both at the same time and with each of them separately. They make me happy when I am with them. I’m so lucky that they are each other’s best friend. They enjoy the time they get to spend together as well. And most of the time, they strive to make situations like this easy on me.

I’m lucky to have them both in my life.


2 responses to “Three Instead of Four

  1. blackdove says:

    Sounds like you’re all 3 lucky to have each other 🙂 I wish Arwen could figure stuff out so you could all 4 be happy again.

    • ourquad says:

      We are lucky. I wish the same about Arwen. Dirk laid some things out for her over the weekend and she didn’t seem to try and make excuses. The time she was with us, we did have a good time.

      Only time will tell how much she took it to heart. I do feel she loves us.

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