Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.


on February 11, 2010

Arwen believes I hate her. She truly does. And she thinks this blog supports that. I don’t hate her at all. I really do not. She and I just have different outlooks and personalities.

Things I’ve written here are not because I hate her. They are just things I’m dealing with and maybe not stated well. I talk about my problems with all three of them. I talk about things I have done wrong. Granted, I talk about Dirk and Chane the most. They are my primary relationships.

I don’t always agree the Arwen. Due to the mentioned differences. I don’t always agree with anyone. That’s life. However, just because my opinion differs from Arwen’s does not mean hers is wrong. We all are entitled to our opinions.

We have communication issues. Arwen believes we are not communicating (any of us) if we do not see it her way. While I may not agree with her on something, I’m more than willing to try and see it from her point of view and try to understand why she feels the way she does. But it needs to be a two way street.

True communication is both explaining and listening well enough to actually hear what someone is saying. Both parties need to make an effort. This is not always successful with Arwen. However, it can be changed with work.

It’s true I have about given up on understanding her. But I most definitely do NOT hate her. And my feelings for her are based entirely on her. They don’t hinge on how I feel about Chane. They are two different people and how I feel about each of them is independent of how I feel about the other.

What do I hate? All the conflict and drama.


5 responses to “Hate

  1. letseatcake! says:

    If it’s any consolation, it appears from my outside view that you are frustrated with Arwen, but really truly want it to work out with all of you, her included.

    I never got the impression you hated her – in fact, I think you are infinitely more patient than I would be with her.

    Of course stories always have two sides, and I can’t see kitten’s side. But from what you’ve said, it sounds like she’s closed off emotionally, to everyone, she is non-communicative and incredibly jealous.

    I personally don’t think she should even be in an open relationship. And I would be curios to see if she disagrees with that statement.

    Love the new blog layout by the way!

    • ourquad says:

      You could be right. At least about some of that. And I know that you don’t have all the story. Which is really why I try not to put her in a terribly bad light.

      She is the one that has always insisted she never has any issues with this. And why she would lie about that I do not know. The rest of us have had them and worked through them. I’ll have to think about your suggestion that an open relationship isn’t right for her. Thanks for the input

      I would like things to work out with all of us.

  2. […] my hate post, Arwen seems to be taking exception to some things and feels some posts confirm that I hate […]

  3. […] my hate post, Arwen seems to be taking exception to some things and feels some posts confirm that I hate […]

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