Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

We Will Get To The Talking

on March 18, 2010

Chane and I haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk yet. We will get the chance/make the chance. We could have talked some by now at least on the phone but, he’s had some difficulties and decisions to make lately that have not been easy for him. And as they were definitely of a time sensitive nature, they and his dealing with the results are the priority now.

He has, however, told me that we will talk. I believe him. And I’m not likely to let it go unaddressed for a really significant amount of time.

This is, however, an aspect of polyamory that has to be addressed from time to time. When needs conflict amongst those involved in relationships, when everyone can not get what they need at the same time (like having to postpone our talk), one person or one relationship may have to “wait in line” for lack of a better term that I can’t come up with this late at night. When this happens, it’s important for those involved to be understanding.

I had an incident of this understanding this this week with Dirk. He and I went out on a date for St. Patrick’s Day. Normally, dates are for giving who you are with your full attention. (Well, in my opinion and Dirk and I generally abide by that. We started that long before meeting Chane and Arwen.) However, due to the difficulties I mentioned for Chane above, both Dirk and I were concerned about him. Therefore, I texted some with Chane while on my date with Dirk. Some at his urging. Chane is his best friend and he wanted to check on him and he knows I was a bit worried and that it may be good for Chane to hear from me.

Poly has compromise involved and you must be willing to do that to be successful.

Though my need to settle some issues with Chane is as important as anything else, it isn’t as critical as him dealing with this. They were things that had to be dealt with immediately. It’s been stressful on several levels and emotional. He strongly believes certain things and the decision made goes against some of those things.

My men both gave in some way this week. Dirk with not having my undivided attention and Chane with the compromise he made. Though it was extremely difficult, Chane did this because he loves Arwen so much. I see that and Dirk sees that.

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