Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Yes, “But….”

on April 4, 2010

Chane and Arwen have gone to his mom’s house for the weekend. Dirk had to work but I was free to go since we weren’t having the grandson as we thought we would. I told Chane this as soon as I found out. Because we didn’t have him for the weekend, we were all four able to go to a movie together Friday night. In fact, I didn’t even know they were going until Arwen said something about it. Chane says they didn’t decide to do so until Thursday night. After 24 hours he still hadn’t thought to tell me?

Right before they left yesterday morning I had told Chane I missed him. He told me he missed me as well and wished I were going with them this weekend. I pointed out he didn’t ask me. He used he thought I was going to have the grandson as a reason/excuse. And he knows he knew differently in plenty of time to ask me if he wanted to. I told him that it is what it is.

I finally heard from him in a text late last night. I told him that Dirk had just left for work. He said I should go ahead and go to bed because the rest would probably help my blood pressure. I said that I probably should but wasn’t in the mood to go to bed by myself tonight. He told me he wished he could be with me. I once again told him it is what it is.

Yesterday a few things had the “but” not said although definitely implied. “I do love you , hon.” “I wish you were going with us.” “I’d like to be there with you.”I told him this once and he didn’t make a comment at all.

I told him that since we haven’t talked about things yet (he’s supposed to arrange that), I was just trying to deal.

Considering all the implied “but” stuff, I do need to step back until I’ve heard differently from him. I have to minimize the pain I am feeling and will feel as much as I can.

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