Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Collector Mentalilty

on June 26, 2010

I belong to a couple of poly forums and this topic was brought up on one of them.  The act of constantly seeking out new relationships is what I got was being referred to in this post.

Although I am currently in a poly-fidelious relationship it isn’t that I identify as polyfi. It’s because the majority requested such and at the time I had not reason to object. Working through changing your mentality from monogamous to polyamorous was more than enough on my plate at the time. And I just didn’t have time for anyone else even if I had wanted to pursue that.

I don’t have a problem at all with someone who wants to practice a polyfi form of polyamory and more than I have a problem with someone who doesn’t want polyfi to be a part of their polyamory style. It is all about what works for you in my opinion. I’ve always said poly for each person is what they make it….what works for them. Though I believe that can change over time.

This post I referred to had the reason some are always seeking new relationships to be that they want to be open to all that polyamory has to offer. Well, I’m open to all it has to offer me as well I believe.

I’ve thought about this lately as I imagine you know. I’ve considered asking to have our quad opened up. I see the main restriction to the number of relationships a person can maintain to be time. Not your capacity to love but your time management.

I have much more time on my hands these days. No children live at home now and Dirk still works shiftwork. Leaving me alone 7 straight evenings on the month, sleeping alone 7 straight nights in a month and spending parts of three weekends a month alone. I’ve finally accepted how my relationship with Chane is and he cannot be with me any significant amount of that time. While I am fine with being alone for the most part, there are times that I would definitely like some company. And I’ve fully opened myself up to being poly. I see seeking another relationship as perfectly acceptable in my eyes.

Being open to the possibilities of all poly has to offer does not mean I want to constantly be trolling for someone new. I don’t generally want the NRE involved in a new relationship and never feel as if I should enjoy it to the max any way. I never want those I love to feel like they are on the back burner and I’ve put way too much work into my current relationships to want to jeopardize them.

In my book, being open to the opportunities is just that. Being open. Who knows what will come along?

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3 responses to “Collector Mentalilty

  1. loveeasy says:

    Things do change over time as you mentioned. Sounds like it’s time for you to open up to new possibilities. Follow your heart. 🙂

  2. Marco says:

    Yes. It definitely sounds like it’s time to open up to new possibilities. We only have one life…..follow your heart like Loveeasy said.

  3. oneof4 says:

    Thanks guys. I agree, however, I just don’t know if I’m ready for that. There are times I think so and then I wonder why would I even try.

    I do know I need to find a way to fill some of the time I have now. I’m working on that right now.

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