Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

My life has gotten so busy!!

on July 25, 2010

I’m sorry to have been so long in posting here. It isn’t as if I haven’t wanted to. The truth is that most of my online activity has been curtailed due to my time being occupied in other ways.

Dirk and I have started a business endeavor together and I’ve started one on my own. You could probably say I’ve started two on my own if I were getting paid for the crochet I’m doing at this time. But, it’s difficult for me to turn down my family when they state they would like something. My sisters are basically my best girlfriends and my mother is….well, my mother. (And she has already told me what she would like made for Christmas.—-gotta love her.)

My free time being quite a bit more scarce these days has helped in my effort to adjust my thought processes on my relationship with Chane. I don’t push him any more and it seems that he’s just fine with the amount of contact we have (which is considerable less). I told him at least a month a go how my attitude and, therefore, my actions were taking a change of course. I explained why I had finally come to the conclusions I have and why it had taken me so long to get there. He has not commented on that at all even when this week I brought up the fact that he had never addressed that. I suppose that should just reiterate why I needed to make the changes in my thought processes to correlate to what he is interested in giving me.

As I write this, it is still a bit sad to me that this is the case. That he can not bring himself to fight for a few of the promises he gave me. And it makes me wonder if, all along, those promises were actually only if I had a romantic relationship with Arwen as well. For each time I try to pinpoint when things changed in his attitude it all comes down to when I told Arwen I loved her but I wasn’t ‘in love’ with her. That is when I can first start seeing the changes. And it did take me a while to truly pinpoint that. Oh well, I have been happy with my relationship with Dirk.

I wonder if these new business endeavors will lead to an end of things with Chane? As it becomes more and more apparent that he isn’t making efforts to keep in touch with me and passes up opportunities to see me, I can’t afford to put so much effort into trying to make things work with him. It is becoming more and more obvious that I have been the one to keep the communication going between us. He’ll come up with an excuse for that if I mention it to him. Something about not wanting to interfere with what I’m doing. Things of that nature are his MO. But a text to let me know he is thinking of me never interferes.

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6 responses to “My life has gotten so busy!!

  1. Bre says:

    Pardon me for butting in, but I’ve been reading your posts for a short time (about 2 months) and it sounds to me as if you’re the one doing the work in your relationship with Chane. Granted, I don’t have all the history. It is just my observation of the moment (for this post).
    Blessings.
    Bre

    • oneof4 says:

      You aren’t butting in. I have a public blog and, therefore, comments are welcome.

      I, too, feel as you do….that I do the work in the relationship. Then out of the blue he’ll make a very obvious effort (as he did last night).

      I have to be honest and say that he and I were raised so differently. He handles relationships like he saw growing up and he struggles with dealing with our relationship in the same way as he and Arwen handle things. I’ve told him many times that we are not the same people and he has gotten better about that.

      Maybe I’m not good at remembering his background is very different. But that doesn’t change that I’ve asked for things and he hasn’t come through.

      Disagreements are not handled well with us. Arwen has a tendency to want to sweep things under the rug. I want to discuss things. I have to push him to do that. He is not comfortable with that at all. (I may just be difficult in this area because Dirk took a lot of years getting comfortable with this as well.)

      The funny thing is….I do know he loves me. I’ve been told by others that I can be demanding and high maintenance.

  2. letseatcake! says:

    Wow! I thought the end of this post was going to say, “It’s over.”

    I’m surprised it doesn’t, based on what you’ve said here. . .

    If you were in a monogomous relationship, would you tolerate that from Chane?

    . . Maybe I’m too brutal. . . but he’d be outta there!
    xoxo

    • oneof4 says:

      Not brutal. But after both the comments on this page, I have to wonder what my mood was at the time I wrote this post. I don’t recall it being as bad as it came across.

      You’re correct. If this was a mono relationship I wouldn’t put up with this. However, I have changed my way of thinking about what Chane and I have (though I guess I haven’t reflected that well here). And, for now, I’m ok with how things are going.

      But, I will reflect on both these comments some more to see how I feel about them. Outside opinions are a good thing.

  3. Good luck on your businesses! I always admire people who start their own businesses 🙂

    • oneof4 says:

      Thank you. That was nice encouragement. It isn’t something we expect to take off right away but a side adventure we hope to turn into more.

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