Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

This Is MY Blog

on February 2, 2011

This is one of what may turn into several posts. I have to work things out and getting closure here is important. And I fear my writings will be a bit disjointed.

I ended any type of relationship I had with Chane and Arwen. Update: Dirk has also ended his with Arwen.

This very blog was a part of that. Though not the blog put actions connected to it. Yes, it is a public blog. I agree with that. It was kept so at the urgings of others in the quad. Promises were made that it wouldn’t be read. I moved the blog and changed the names of those involved so that it wouldn’t accidentally come up. Keeping it public meant I didn’t have the control to totally keep this out of site (and I did have reasons for keeping it public) but I did my best to make sure it wasn’t an “accident” if it was found. (You can go back in the archives to see what my original idea for this blog was and why it caused drama if you would like). I trusted those who said they would not read it again to not go searching for it.

That didn’t happen. It was read. And once again, things were found that wasn’t pleasing to some. Here’s where my biggest problem is (though the breaking of trust and all is definitely there). I find it unethical what was being done. This was being read and discussed. OK, but if you have a problem with what I said, come to me and talk with me about it. Even if that then meant you had broken a promise. Arwen did this as well as Chane.

What Chane did went further in my eyes. I’ve begged and begged him to talk with me about things (this blog can itself attest to that) and he doesn’t want to. Yet he told me when this came to light and I questioned them that he has been reading it to find out what my thoughts were. He had problems with some of the things I said yet he didn’t come to me. Reading it to see what I was thinking was a way to get information from me without him having to open up and offer the same to me. He wouldn’t talk about feelings with me but he was willing to find out what mine were.

Also, my blog has never had restrictions on who could post comments to it. It has always been an option for them to do so.

I’ve decided that this first post will only address my blog.

Here are my thoughts and my response….this is MY blog. Read it if you want to and take things as you will. The following is my blog heading.

Loving More Than One—Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only.

This states that these are from my perspective….my opinions and my feelings. Only.

I will not be told who I can write about or what I can write about.

I will continue my blog. I enjoy writing and have reasons for it that are my business alone. I don’t have to give a reason for having it.

If you don’t want to leave comments, and feel you have things you’d like to say for yourself, start your own blog. This site, as well as others, are free to have one. Any one has that right.


10 responses to “This Is MY Blog

  1. Sorry to hear things are going rough right now. I’ll cross my fingers for you 🙂

    I know what you mean about the blog being yours. That is part of the reason mine isn’t written under my name. I don’t want it being found easily since I tend to write about everyone in my life. There is a grand total of one person who can tie me to my blog in real life and is only because they are the least judgmental person I know. They will ask before they assume, and always realize my thoughts are my own.

    That said, if someone does find it they better be darn sure about reading it before they do. Possibly they will be offended or hurt, but at a minimum they may see glimpses of my psyche they never wanted to see.

    Writing is a mental release for me, as I’m guessing it is for you. It isn’t meant to be kind, logical, reasonable, fair, or considerate. It is sad to hear one (or more) of your partners couldn’t understand that.

    Best wishes,

    • Oneof4 says:

      PP, I, too, do not write this under my real name for basically the same reasons.

      And I only share it with a couple of people in real life, and that very recently, people who are as you described your friend to be.

      Wow, writing does that for me too. For years I had a traditional journal and I still have that for things that I feel are the most difficult for me to deal with. I’m not really a whiny bitch but what I put in the paper journal may be considered that. I let words just flow in that until what I’m really feeling deep down, and what the issue actually is compared to what I initially believe it to be, becomes apparent.

      The blog thing has not been all that’s caused the breakup. It was just the last straw for me.

      Thank you for checking in with me.

  2. IntrigueMe says:

    I have a similar policy for my blog. I wrote anonymously for career and family purposes… but a select few of my friends have access. I told them when they asked for the link that if they didn’t like what they read, to stop reading it. I told them they couldn’t hold anything they read against me, because it was my feelings and I deserve to have a safe space of my own to express them.

    I wish Chane and Arwen would respect your space.

    Then again, Arwen has always seemed to have issues with you have any sort of opinion or feelings, hasn’t she? And Chane has never made much effort… so perhaps you’re better off without them.

    • Oneof4 says:

      Yes, that’s it. I’ve never said that my blog was any one’s else’s feelings. I do post about how Dirk feels at times but that’s because he has talked with me and told me.

      It’s still sad and I’m a little surprised at the things we are going to have to work through. I’ll be posting an update to this post because Dirk has now ended things with Arwen.

  3. Rast says:

    So sorry to read this as I know just a couple of posts ago it seemed that things between you and Chane where actually headed in a different direction all together. Hopefully you will find the peace that you ultimately deserve and I am very sorry that they could not allow you to have your privacy and your private space. Some folks have to learn lessons the hard way period.

  4. Tracy says:

    Just out of curiosity – why is it so bad for it to be read, if what is being written is the truth?

    • Oneof4 says:

      No, it being read wasn’t the issue in the beginning. That one person couldn’t see this as just my view of things….it’s the truth. But, there are always two sides to things. And Arwen couldn’t grasp that someone had a different view of things than she did. Or that I may a reason not to like some of what she did. So, in an effort to have less drama, she was encouraged by all not to read it. She said she wouldn’t. I just moved it to make that easier and to not have to deal with said drama.

      Reading it now was a break of that promise. What is the worst for me was how it was being used.

      So, I will not take it down. I will not move it. And if anyone doesn’t like it, then I am sorry but these are my thoughts and feelings.

      If you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ll realize this wasn’t the only thing that lead to the breakup. It was just the last.

      Thanks for the question.

  5. I also use a “nickname” for writing on my blog-and everyone I write about-is also given a “nickname”. I do it more so that THEY can have anonymity. Most everyone in my “real life” would “connect” lovingradiance to me, because it was my business name for YEARS when I owned my own gift shop business.

    I too have struggled with people getting upset over my writing and like you I feel that if they don’t like it-they neednt read it-OR they can comment on it. I’m always open to comments.

    I get frustrated also with Maca reading my blog-and thus getting to my vulnerable side, but not being willing to share his vulnerable side with me. It’s so frustrating.

    I’m glad you are standing your ground and continuing to post. 🙂

  6. Oneof4 says:

    Thank you,LR. It is nice to know someone understands how this makes me feel.

    I should have had this attitude all along. Not been so worried about keeping the peace.

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