Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Coming Out To My Family

on February 4, 2011

One of the things discussed in “the talk” was my family and how Arwen didn’t like it when they come to town on what she said is “our weekend”.

Things were better for us all when my family didn’t know. But now that they do, they feel I am pushing something they do not agree with in their faces if we all four were together with them.

I did try to warn them. But both Arwen and Chane were insistent on this. And Chane is really the only one who could say how it is to tell family. At least his version. He had been the only one to tell family until that point.

I’ve known my mother and my sisters all my life (I’m the oldest) and I really felt I knew how they would react. Chane insisted I was wrong and that he knew better. Outside looking in and all that. I was too close. And this caused some of our most heated discussions. I felt he treated me like I just didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.

He was wrong.

It’s put a gulf in some ways between my family and I. We shy away from things we didn’t used to.

Arwen says I made her unwelcome when my family was in town but I was so stressed because I had to divide my time. When what I feel should have been said to me was….”Hey, your family doesn’t get here that often, why don’t you see them while they are here and we will find another way to squeeze in time together.” Particularly when the uncomfortableness was a direct result of pressure they put on me.

And now I will be telling my family that this is over. But I will make sure they know it isn’t because I feel this lifestyle is wrong just that these relationships didn’t work.


2 responses to “Coming Out To My Family

  1. It does sound like Arwen was a bit insensitive to your situation with family in town.
    One of my partners has family that lives far away and visits a couple of times every year. I try to keep two things in mind when they are visiting so I don’t get jealous/frustrated/lonely:
    1. If my partner was traveling to visit them (without me) we wouldn’t get any time together during their trip so why should I expect the usual amount of time from them while their family visits? To me, it is just being considerate to lower my expectations while their family visits.
    2. It isn’t like our time together will be decreased forever. It is only temporary so why get my panties in a wad? We will have plenty of time later.

    I think you are doing the right thing telling your family that although things may have ended it wasn’t because of your lifestyle, rather it ended because of the people. You have effectively come out, backpedaling now would only require you to start the whole process again later when you meet someone new.

    Stay strong 🙂

  2. Oneof4 says:

    I’m trying to stay strong. Today is rough though.
    And when their son comes over on leave, you have described what we do. Though we will see him as well a bit since they are ok with things.
    Thank you.

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