Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Being Poly Now

on February 9, 2011

I’ve got so much going on in my head at the moment that I find it hard to settle on one thing and get it into something I can coherently write about.

But, here’s one thing. There are differences to finding yourself falling into poly and now choosing to be poly.And trying to figure out what polyamory looks like to me/us where we are now.

As I’ve stated, neither Dirk or I can ever see monogamy as the only alternative allowable again. Whether we live monogamously in the future or not, doesn’t change those feelings and thoughts.

But, actively looking for other relationships at this time is not something we are ready for. We’ve talked about this. However, we are not “closing” or marriage either. We feel that if the time is right, we’ll either find someone out of the blue and be receptive to that or, one or the other of us will actively look for someone else. And we know that both of us may not be ready for that at the same time.

We also know things we could, and will, do differently this time. I believe one of the biggest things for me that I would do differently is that I will strive to not be in a relationship where one or more depend on any other relationship. That each relationship I am in, is not dependent upon another relationship.

Veto power just doesn’t seem to be in me to enforce and I don’t want that enforced on me either. I know this now. I didn’t know this before we entered into things.

I’ve learned so much through all this. I know where I’ve made mistakes. I know now what my hard boundaries are and that I can not function unless they are respected. I will be better about enforcing those boundaries from the beginning in the future. And I will be better about only being in relationships with those who can abide by them.

It’s such a different outlook figuring out what you do want from and expect from being in polyamorous relationships when you actually know something about them.

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2 responses to “Being Poly Now

  1. IntrigueMe says:

    I’m glad you have this outlook. It’s good that you can choose to be in another relationship or not. I hope you take some time just for you and Dirk though, before getting into another relationship.

    • We are. Frankly, I’m just not ready for another at this time. Need closure for this one and who is interested in anything on the rebound?

      Dirk and I are going good and enjoying each others company as much as ever.

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