Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

So Why the Posts on Communication?

on February 22, 2011

Wondering why the posts on communication?

Well, as I’ve said, and most people in poly will say, it is the key. I just feel it is the key to any relationship. Effective communication can benefit all areas of you life, romantic, family, work…any where. So, I just researched some on the subject and shared it. I wanted to provide a few guidelines for those interested in improving communication instead of just stating how important it is.

As for me personally, I’ve used the techniques I’ve listed here. And I find I’m most effective at asking questions, with the reflective listening. I want to state specifically at times that “This is what I am hearing and understanding you to say….Is this what you are meaning?”

With the sending messages aspect, I find that I feel statements are not as threatening. For example…”I feel X when Y happens.” “I feel excluded when you don’t keep me in the loop about things that are important to you. I know that isn’t your intention. Can you work with me on a way to reach a middle ground with this?” Maybe he’ll tell me more about things, maybe not. How I feel is valid but it doesn’t have to change anything for him. I need to also work on this not being an issue for me. But telling him how I feel instead of saying “You exclude me when you don’t keep me in the loop.” means he will be less likely to take what I have to say as a criticism right off the bat. And it really is how I feel. It may not be what he perceives he is doing.

I hope you can make us of the information I’ve given you here in your life. Good communication has to become a habit I feel. It’s so easy to fall back into old patterns of not doing it effectively. Even I, who values communicating with those in my life vey much, find I don’t always do it effectively.

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