Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Days of Truth Day One: Something I Hate About Myself

on March 10, 2011

I hate that I can so easily get in the depressed state but I find it so very difficult to get out of that state. (I had a picture of Tom Cruise flash through my head just then….the scene from Knight and Day where he is untying Cameron Diaz in the garage saying “Here with me….here without me.”.)  Easy to get int the state but hard to get out of ….easy in, hard out.

I’ve always struggled with depression, even as a teenager. Or most especially as a teenager. I believe I’ve gotten a bit better at it by now. At recognizing I’ve gotten to that state and finding ways to get out of it. You’d think that by the time  a person reached my age they would not fall victim to this. But, it is what it it.

Stress is a real factor for me when talking depression. And being tired. Tired seems to cause a vicious circle with depression. I get tired and then depressed. Being depressed makes you tired. It’s hard to break that cycle.

At times I’ve had to take an anti-depressant. The side effects I get from those are something I would like to avoid as much as possible so I don’t stay on them all the time. And I’m a bit stubborn enough that I want to learn ways to handle it other than medication whenever possible.

The best medicine for whatever ails me is laughter. It just does it for me. And I believe that is why the stress and things of that nature are the triggers for depression with me. When I’m going through things like that, I don’t see much to laugh at in the world. It may be there, but I’m too focused on the other things to see it.

I’m depressed now to be honest. Though I feel that is somewhat understandable considering the last month or two. The breakup, financial worries, and the odd way work has been going. I can’t change the things that have been happening but I need to look for the laughter in the world.


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