Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Working On Me

on April 4, 2011

Being in the rut I mentioned in this post has made be realize something. Or maybe it was noticing the rut I’m in.

As long as I’m in this place in my head or whatever a rut is, I won’t be putting myself back out there for another relationship.

I’ll tell myself I don’t have the time or energy for it. That it isn’t worth some of the things I’ve gone through. That I may not choose wisely. That I won’t find someone that appreciates me for being me.

It’s easy to tell yourself those things, even if you know they aren’t true, when you are in such a place as I am right now.

Then again my friend, Jack, told me that part of this is the same as a single person who ends a relationship and is gun shy of entering another. I thought about that and it’s true.

But it’s also that I want to get myself back. I’ve come a long way in how I think and I’m quite happy with that. I want to be happy with the things I do in my life. The things I expend my energy on. I want to be more balanced. I want to do it healthier. Hell, I want to be healthier.

I need to make goals. For my health, for my life in general, and for advancing to the stage when I am ready to date again.  Some of those goals may need time frames but some of them won’t.

It’s just a good time to make some improvements in myself.

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4 responses to “Working On Me

  1. Grace says:

    Love your quotes in the blog.
    And having time for self reflection is always a good time. All of us have challenges in life but moving forward and setting a goal, is a good step in moving out of whatever rut you are feeling right now. Good luck!

  2. IntrigueMe says:

    I recently heard someone say the following about being stuck in a rut: Change one thing in your life. By doing that, you throw off the balance in that rut and things can no longer circle around and around. Change one thing, and other things will have to change as well.

    It’s true, too… if I think back to times in my life when I felt stuck… if I changed just one thing, then it all started to adjust as well. Sometimes it didn’t all seem like *good* changes, but in the end, they were.

    Also, your friend Jack is totally right- you are going through the same feelings that all people go through post break-up. You have to find yourself again, we all do. Good luck. 🙂

    • Wow, that is such a cool thing to hear and it makes total sense. Change one thing and it gets all out of balance.

      It makes it not feel so overwhelming as well, doesn’t it?

      I’ve made a few strides in changing that one thing. I’ll pay particular attention to look for the changes it makes in other areas.

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