Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Where Are We At?

on May 16, 2011

Dirk has been having a rough time at work so he’s tired when he gets off. Add to that our conflicting schedules and we haven’t had much time to talk lately. Not about anything outside the essentials.

We need to talk about where we are at individually with things. The healing, if we feel ready to see others, how we’ll go about it if we are. Those types of things.

I’m not even totally sure where I am at. But talking things out with him will help me. He won’t tell me what to think but he’ll ask something I haven’t considered or in some other way help me get a better handle on things.

I believe I’m trying to come to an understanding about what I miss. I do miss time with Chane. I know this. I’m just trying to decide if I only miss time with him. Or do I also miss being in more than one relationship.

Though I’m missing some things, I do know that I want to avoid drama. I’m to a point in my life that I want to minimize that as much as I possibly can. From all aspects of my life. Maybe I’m just too old for some shit.

I’m now coming at poly from a different angle. Not as something I fell into but as something I’m conscious of. However, when someone expresses an interest in me, I find I am not equipped to handle that well. Not that I can’t  love another, but the uncomfortableness (?) of the first stages. I haven’t dated in years….a lifetime to some.  Not as one normally dates. I went out on dates with Chane but our relationship didn’t start that way at all. So, even though I’ve been in a poly relationship, this is new territory for me.

I don’t know that I can get past this either. You wouldn’t know it, but I can be so very shy. Not about all things. But about some. I’m an outspoken person but not in regards to this. I’m afraid it will end up knocking me on my ass.

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