Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.


My cousin passed away Saturday morning.

She was a special person to me.

I didn’t know she had cancer.

I forged a relationship with her early in my life. We used to write letters back and forth. No internet then. Later in years we didn’t stay so closely in contact but when we did talk it was still freely and like time hadn’t passed. I don’t blame her at all for not letting me know personally that she had cancer. She was in the middle of a battle. She would have thought my mom would tell me. And mom says she thought she did. It’s just unfortunate that I didn’t know.

I was told rather quickly that she had died. Apparently her husband specifically asked mom to let me know by name. (I find it great that he was aware of how close we were.)

What I been struggling with since Saturday morning is not being there for her. Not knowing I only had a few short months to let her know plainly in words what she meant to me. We always put those things off if we don’t have a reason to do differently.

I struggle with now knowing she had a difficult battle and I didn’t check in on her or offer her encouragement.

I just struggle with the fact that she is gone.