Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

What Am I Looking For In A Relationship?

on July 19, 2011

I want to just go with the flow. I really do. Dirk is doing that better than I am. Taking things as they come. He’s doing great with those he meets.

What do I want out of a relationship? Do I want one? I think I do to some degree. I miss that aspect of things. I’m happy with Dirk, I truly am but there’s the knowing that I’m free to have more.

Do I want a less intense relationship than I had with Chane? Do I want something more like that?

I feel I need to know so that I can lay things all out on the table for someone I may meet.

I want someone that will make time for me. I know that. But will understand that I may not have the same schedule as they do and will put forth a real effort to make time for me when we can find the time. Not just a maybe type thing. If he has others in his life, I’d like to know if they come first. If being with them will always come before time with me. I don’t think I want to be in a romantic relationship with someone where plans with me are always tentative.

I don’t necessarily have to have a lot of time with someone but I believe I’ve learned through things with Chane and recently that I do want effort.

I’m just writing thoughts here as they come to me and I’m sure they do not make much sense today. I’m not going to change that. This is what I need today.

I’m just a bit confused today or it could just be that something I read has gotten me to thinking and this is the early stages of what I’ve thought.

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2 responses to “What Am I Looking For In A Relationship?

  1. Anne S Morgan says:

    I know what you mean about not knowing what you want. I am in a very limited open relationship specifically for this man I met accidentally and fell in love with and whom my husband allows me to see occasionally when opportunity presents itself, but I don’t like being the lowest in my lovers priority list, and I don’t know if I just want a friendship or if I want a romance where he makes me feel special. Actually I do want a romance, but i know he doesn’t want that. So am I making do with a friendship? I guess so, but despite constantly trying, i don’t want to give him up.

    • I’ve learned that a person deserves more than to settle. On the other hand, if you can be happy with what you are offered from someone, is that really settling?

      My relationship with my ex-boyfriend offered me things. It was when the drama outweighed the good I was getting that things started to really crumple. I needed and wanted more than he could or would offer. And I needed away from his wife.

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