Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

I Find Some Things In Life Extremely Sad

on July 29, 2011

As sad as it may be, I think I’m coming to the conclusion that I am never going to have even a friendship with Chane. I’ve put myself out there for that a couple of times now and not received any feedback. Positive or negative. Well, I’m taking no feedback at all as negative.

In some ways, it just proves things he said to me in the past about having the ability to cut someone out of his life. In others, it just saddens me that I thought we had something beyond that.

I’m a big girl though. And I am not going to give him continuous chances to ignore me. He has obviously moved on and I am being too fucking weird about this.

This is part of the reason that I am slow to let others in. Once you get there I am slow to let you leave as well. It’s been almost 7 months since the breakup. That’s is slow enough and I need to remind myself of that.

Now, where is my next journey?


6 responses to “I Find Some Things In Life Extremely Sad

  1. Sounds to me like you live your life through other people… if their sad about you, then your sad. Take back your power!!! You’ve given up your responsibility of happiness to others. Your next journey is about learning what Personal Power is all about. Because if not, your going to repeat this story all over again with someone else.
    Blessings be with you along the path you follow.

    • Hmm, I may have not worded that well or you may be seeing something I wasn’t aware of. I’ll have to think about that.

      I’m not sad that someone else is sad. I’m sad I’ve lost someone in my life. And I am getting over that. Just talking about the last stages of this.

      However, I really will give your comments some thought.

  2. Jack says:

    I think I feel the opposite of compersion here for you…or maybe it’s just an extension of it. If compersion is what you call when you feel happy for someone you care about because they are happy, I’m not sure if feeling sad for them is the same. Maybe empathy?

    You’re going to be fine…in fact, as thoroughly as you like to process and play with everything in your mind, you will probably come out of this with less scarring and more gained wisdom than most people in similar circumstances.

    • Yeah, I do process. And I have been told I over think things.

      Truthfully, I have a lot going on in my head. Got some of it out by talking with Dirk this weekend. He’s more gun-shy than I am I believe.

  3. Thanks for sharing. Some of the things you’ve talked about regarding your relationship with Chane are similar to what I have been recently going through. My participation as a secondary is quite different, but the loss is very similar. I hope you are able to reconcile things as time passes.

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