Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

I’m Always Glad If I Discover Something About Myself

on August 22, 2011

I’m not generally afraid to look within myself and at myself. I don’t particularly like living stagnantly. With no challenges. It is a challenge to really look at yourself. What you believe, why you believe it and if those beliefs have changed over time.

To grow as a person, I feel one must examine oneself. Do I believe something because it is “normal” to believe that? Or do I believe it because I was taught to believe it? Or do I just really believe it?

Did I react badly to an emotional problem I had? If so, why did I do that? What is the underlying reason? Not just the surface one. If my reaction was true to how I feel about something, yet it hurt someone, is that wrong?

Not looking within and learning about yourself is, in my opinion, a form of hiding. Of not facing life. Yet in my effort to do so, I at times go overboard. To over-think things. Which is better?

I’m always glad to discover something about myself. Maybe not always happy about what I discovered but glad I faced things head on and learned something. And then I’ll have to opportunity to change what I found I didn’t like. Or to at times say, “Hey you aren’t doing so bad in this world”.

Right now, I have a few habits I am not happy with. But I’m having trouble finding the motivation to be unhappy enough about them to make a change in them. And I’m not liking that about myself. I suppose I haven’t figured out what makes an obviously bad habit worth it to me. And that is most likely the key to changing the habit.

I find time  to refine my views on poly it seems. Not really a bad thing. It is important to me to know what I expect and have to offer in this arena.  Yet Dirk doesn’t seem to have an opinion on his views at the moment. At least not one he is sharing. That being the case, I’ve been thinking if I have the desire to live a mono/poly life. If he wants to be mono do I have a desire to live polyamorously myself? I need to do some searches on this. See how it works for others that chose this way.

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2 responses to “I’m Always Glad If I Discover Something About Myself

  1. tillyslaton says:

    Awesome post .. great thinking ❤

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