Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Dread for the Dating Scene

on September 6, 2011

Been thinking about Dirk and I and poly and dating. Then this weekend I chatted with a friend.

All three of us have gone through a breakup of some kind. Whether with a live in partner or not. All three of us are reluctant it seems to enter the dating world again. We all three do have a current partner. And I imagine that each of us are getting our needs met by said current partner at different levels. Dirk and I more so than my friend.

Does being reluctant or “not ready” to date others get to be more so as time goes by? The longer you wait does it get harder to enter that arena again? After all, we are lucky to have a current partner. We aren’t totally alone.

Is getting some to most of our needs met by this partner something we could be settling for so we don’t have to take a risk?

Do we put too much pressure on the relationship we do have by not taking the chance and going  for the unwanted “dating scene”?

This has got me to thinking that, for me personally, I’m not unhappy with being accidentally monogamous at the time. Dirk and I have more years of that under our belt than poly.

To start with I was unhappy after the breakup. Though I was heartbroken, I looked to a future when I would have another relationship. I had learned what were deal breakers for me and I knew that I could take something away from this experience once I could get past the hurt.

Getting past the hurt was harder than I had anticipated I believe. There are several reasons for that. But now, well, have I just gotten used to living monogamously? I don’t know really. Dirk and I still talk about those we find attractive while out. Of course, we’ve never denied we found others attractive to start with. But we are still very open about that.

I do feel it is just easier to live this way at times. But easier does not equal better. It could mean I’m just lazy. For me, I find it hard to put the time into finding someone else, when I can spend time with the person I already have in my life. I don’t want to become too dependent on him being there though. I’m just happy with him.

I believe that if I were like my friend, in a relationship that is clearly not all I need it to be, I may would make more of an effort to get out there. Yet, it’s difficult isn’t it? Trying to balance the time and effort needed to improve a current relationship with the time and effort needed to find a new one. Eventually the two should work for you but, a new relationship does require time and attention to get going. It’s not a easy thing to balance the two in this situation.

For me personally, I was worried that I was just giving up and taking the easy way when it comes to having another relationship. As I have been writing this, I’ve decided that I may just be enjoying my life as it comes along. In no rush to get to a certain place, taking the scenic route for the most part but not avoiding the heavy congested areas either. This is a pleasant drive and who knows what I may find while taking it?


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