Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Sexual Performance

on September 14, 2011

Why is it that when someone is trying to hurt another they bring into play sexual performance? And always negatively?

I know that this is a common story but…I’m know someone to whom this is happening. He is getting a divorce. Well, papers have been served I’ll say that much. I feel it will go through.

I don’t understand why the wife has had papers served if she wants to get back together with the man. I don’t know why she would say she wants to get back together with him and then tell him he isn’t the biggest or best she’s had in bed since they split up.

Well, I feel I do understand this. She is being mean and manipulative. She is what I call “mind-fucking” him.

But, she is hitting on a topic most people do have, or have had, insecurities about. And I feel it is a topic she chose purposely.

It doesn’t matter sometimes if you tell yourself these things aren’t true. Because the first time you are with someone new, or the first time something doesn’t go right in that department, you remember and start to wonder again if what she said was true.

And something will inevitably go wrong at some point. Stress, tiredness, so many things can come into play with sex. Things you don’t realize at the time are part of the equation so to speak. It’s a given, in my mind, that there will be times that things just don’t click as well as normal.

That leaves room for the doubts to enter. And once they have, you have to start the pep talks all over again. Until….you become confident within yourself. Until you know that shit happens sometimes and you aren’t always to blame for it. Until you realize enough about sexuality that you know it isn’t all about how just one person performs. It’s all the people involved in the act. Each has to bring something to the table. Each has to actively participate. The outcome of how sex goes isn’t all on one person’s shoulders.

Maturity and experience play a big role in these things. Getting that can take some time. Once someone has brought you down in this area means getting that maturity can take longer.


4 responses to “Sexual Performance

  1. tillyslaton says:

    Heh .. my brother-in-law recently did the same thing .. served his wife with papers .. knowing full well all he wanted was to chain her to him… Which is to each his own, you know? It always amazes me actions and intentions and how often they are quite irrational .. no matter how rational they may seem o.O

  2. Roxie. says:

    Dingbat [ the person I used to refer to as “mother” ] did that to my old man. And she’s not the only one that I’ve known to do it. I mean, c’mon. I just don’t understand why you gotta give low blows like that…

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