I was chatting a bit with Chane yesterday and the subject of plans and how life seems to throw you something you didn’t have included in those plans came up.
That’s so very true.
It’s the reason he is in my life at all I was thinking and stated as much. He’s been a part of my life for years now and it wasn’t part of my plans. He isn’t in there in the capacity I envisioned at this point but I do count it a success that we have been able to get back in touch.
Most of you know, I never expected to live a poly life. And at this point, I didn’t expect to be in only one relationship. Even after the romantic relationship with Chane ended, I figured I’d eventually find another. I’m not in one.
Why? Well, it’s so many things. Some small, some not. The two biggest are getting two children through college. Financially, it’s hard to go on a date out with Dirk even. And it’s time as well. Time is a big one. Starting my business and keeping it going has left me with basically no spare time. I’ve even gotten into the habit of not ensuring I spend quality time with Dirk. He’s been understanding but my lack in that area has begun to play on my mind and my conscience lately. I have some custom orders for big project that have close deadlines and I do need to get those done. Afterwards, I want to make sure I set aside time each week with him. And to not feel guilty about not working the business.
Will I eventually find time or the energy for an outside relationship? I couldn’t say. I sometimes miss having one. I don’t feel I am intentionally living monogamously. Circumstances are just not allowing me much else at the time. I’m lucky still though. Dirk and I are good for each other.