Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Expectations

on May 10, 2011

Yesterday, in telling Jack how my Mother’s Day went, he felt I was comparing my children (miscommunication on that). It wasn’t my intention to sound that way because I really wasn’t. I was stating what each did or didn’t do yesterday. My children are very different and I’m aware of this. While one did hurt my feelings I was over it by this morning at the latest. Each of my children can hurt my feelings. The other hurt them just as badly a couple of weeks ago.

Expectations entered into this conversation with Jack since our conversations can lead here or there.

Here’s the thing, I do have expectations for any relationship I am in. Whether that be with Dirk, a boyfriend, a friend, my children, my mother, or my sisters. Even co-workers. Each may have different kinds of expectations for it on my part but I do have them. The closer you are to me, I’d say the more I have for you.

As I’ve stated on here before many times, I always expect to be treated well. With honesty and respect. But there is more. Common courtesy to others is also an expectation I have.

Lovers I expect to be there for me. Not that I’m clingy but I expect to be able to depend on those I let that deeply into my life. I may not call on that often but I do expect it to be there.

Family, since I am remarkable close to mine, I expect then to be there for me to almost the same degree.

Friends, well that depends on how close we are. I don’t actually have many real life friends that aren’t family.

Co-workers, well, I don’t expect them to be there for me to lean on if needed. But I expect their cooperation when our paths cross at work. Their respect and courtesy. (Maybe the courtesy thing is from living in the south all my life…but treating others as you’d like them to treat you shouldn’t be too much to expect.)

The further away a person is from my core life, the less I expect from them.

I’m a bit slow, maybe some would say very slow, to let someone in to my vulnerabilities. I’ve learned the hard way through life that not every one can be trusted. And I’m a private person for the most part. If you want to be that close to me, I will admit, in the end, I will expect things from you.

I don’t think expectations are wrong. There are times I could be better at communicating those expectations I’m sure.

When my expectations aren’t met, well, I’m going to communicate that as well. I may have to wait until the hurt, anger, or whatever I’m feeling is dealt with. I can’t always voice things well and constructively when under extreme emotions.

To me, expectations of others is part of a relationship.

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2 responses to “Expectations

  1. IntrigueMe says:

    You should have expectations- nothing wrong with that!

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