Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Starting College


I don’t often blog about my children.I try to leave them a chance of a privacy even though I write anonymously for the most part.

The youngest of the two sons Dirk and I have is starting college. Things have just not seemed to fall into line for the child. Jobs, roommates, girlfriend (though that is definitely doing better for him) and he has been down, depressed lately. Understandable.

He called today. With aggravating news on the roommate situation. Someone he thought was a true friend has let him down in that area in a big way. Financially, these are worries for us as well since we do not have funds to run two households. But, you can find yourself telling them to calm down, that he’ll find a way to make things work. Why would we do that? Well, he finally had good news and he needed that so much. He needs to be able to concentrate on that for just a bit.

He seems to be getting some aid for school, he spoke with someone that is over the program he is working towards getting into, made contacts with a couple of students in different stages of that program that he is going to be able to draw on for help and encouragement, and he had one of the coaches at the school approach him about trying out for the team and at the end of that road is a slight possibility of a scholarship. He’s very excited about starting classes in a few weeks and he really needs that attitude after about six months of having  nothing go right in his attempt to live on his own.

He is so capable and has always had confidence (not arrogance) in himself. That has really suffered lately. I’m going to look at the school situation as a sign that things are turning around for him.

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I Can Be Such a Baby


OK…..I’m through being an ass about Chane’s tattoo. The man hasn’t fussed about my attitude at all.

But, I do know how much he wanted to get the work done. The very reason I’ve encouraged him so often to do so.

I just hope I didn’t ruin it in any way for him.

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Chane’s Tattoo


Chane has had a back piece since before I’ve known him. For various reasons, he hasn’t been able to get it finished until now.

I’ve always encouraged him to do so.

He has been there while I, Dirk and Arwen have gotten tattoos. He hasn’t had any work since we’ve been together (of any kind including a tattoo that represents his poly relationship in some way the way the rest of us have).

This weekend he knew he was going to be getting work done soon. I even asked did he want to go while we were together. I would have liked to have been with him. (A side note of importance to me is that he asked to be there when I got the tattoo to represent him.)

He went to get work done last night. Didn’t tell me he was going until he and Arwen were already there and he was under the needle. Dirk had called him while he was uptown and suggested I call when he got back. Chane didn’t call me. He had me call him.

I told him today that I would have come up there if he had let me know he was getting it done. He said I wasn’t feeling well. Not that bad but it should have been my choice.

So, even if it is a bit unreasonable, I’m a bit hurt. And he didn’t ask me to come see it tonight. But he did show his tattoo to two people at work. Women but just friends totally. He hasn’t even sent me a picture to see.

And once again, the man just didn’t seem to be able to acknowledge that he had hurt my feelings with this when talking with him today.

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Three Instead of Four


This weekend was supposed to have been all four of us together. Dirk has one weekend a month off and Arwen has promised to always take that one off.(Well, since she decided to work on the weekends when none of us really wanted her to.) This is the third month in a row she has not been able to spend time with us and Dirk in particular like she should have done. She managed to spend time yesterday evening and a little this morning with Dirk and us.

Now, I will not lie to you. I have enjoyed the time I’ve had with both my men at once. Just it can be a bit hard on me when I know full well they are both missing her. Dirk particularly since he gets to see her so infrequently.

Dirk has felt that when this happens for the majority of the weekend like it has recently, he is keeping Chane and I from doing something we would have done if we were able to spend time alone. I hate that he feels like he is a “third wheel” at times. I never want him to feel that way. Chane doesn’t want him to feel that way.

However, I do realize why those thoughts can enter Dirk’s head. And I feel for him that he wants to spend time with Arwen and she doesn’t seem to find that as important as he does.

It leaves me in the position of dividing my time. For the most part, we three are doing things at the same time. But, I do try to spend a few minutes alone with each of them when Arwen does this. I just want to know that I find them both important to me. They both seem to understand what I am doing and why I am doing it. For example, we were a bit stir crazy late this afternoon and the three of us decided to go shopping for a few things. Both were interested in looking at some of the same things and each had some things they wanted to look at that made them go in different directions. I tried to go with each for a little bit separately. I hated leaving either of them alone. Though I found both of them seemed to be ok with that.

So, I guess in a way, I was trying to fill in with both of them the empty spot that Arwen not being around left. I found it both a tad nerve racking and enjoyable at the same time. I love them both so much. I like to spend time with the both at the same time and with each of them separately. They make me happy when I am with them. I’m so lucky that they are each other’s best friend. They enjoy the time they get to spend together as well. And most of the time, they strive to make situations like this easy on me.

I’m lucky to have them both in my life.

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