I was so busy this weekend with meetings and training for my business(es) than I failed to keep in touch with Chane. It wasn’t intentional at all. Just time got away from me.
He took care of this for us. He made sure we talked. I appreciate that. And truthfully, it made me feel important to him. A reminder that he does loves me, miss me and that I am important to him. That’s always delightful.
I found her take on handling open relationships and jealousy very sound advice.
I have the hardest time explaining how loving someone else doesn’t mean I love my husband less. Or how I can be ok with him loving someone else. Doesn’t that mean he can’t give me 100% of his love? Doesn’t that mean I’m not enough for him? These are the biggest questions that my family seems to have for me (other than the morality of sex with someone other than your spouse).
How can I explain that I have let go of thinking Dirk belongs to me. That he is mine. The truth really is that he has never been mine. He is his own. We are married and we chose to be because we wanted the other in our life. It was a choice we both made. Though we fell for the society mandate hook line and sinker. I will never say that it was easy to go from the monogamous mentality to the polyamorous mentality. It wasn’t. However, it has been a great journey even if very painful at times.
I have said here more than once that Dirk and I could live monogamously again (due to circumstances we are very close to that now) but we will never again believe that is the only way to go.
How can I explain the compersion I feel when I see or listen to Dirk tell me about his time with Arwen? How do I explain that it is a wondrous feeling especially on the heels of jealousy and pain his behavior has caused? How can I explain how much closer he and I are due to this journey we are on?
I don’t expect everyone to agree with me or convert to poly. I would just like to make myself understood.
After my last post and the comments to it, I have been doing some thinking (as I said I would).
In the past, I’ve wanted more from Chane than he is willing or able to give. I wanted another primary relationship. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am willing to be a secondary for him. And now I’ve come to the conclusion that I am happy with that.
It is working for me at the moment and it seems that he can surprise me at times with the effort he makes and the things he says. I found the key to be, not to take things as more than they mean at the time. Also, I’m still learning and remembering (even after all these years) that he just does not function the same as Dirk.
He grew up very differently than both Dirk and I. He has a very different personality, part of which is directly related to that upbringing.
And he and Arwen do not have the same type relationship as Dirk and I. And it has taken both Dirk and I a while to get a grasp on their interactions with each other. They are so different than ours that we couldn’t fathom how they made things work at all. Though I still do not feel they are as close as Dirk and I. But we have always been close and love to spend time doing things together. (And that was a major adjustment to poly for us…not spending the majority of our free time together.)
But, with all that is going on in my life at the moment, I am happy with the changes in my attitude regarding my relationship with Chane and the relationship itself. I guess I needed the feedback from others to make me finish my thoughts and feelings on this. Thank you all.
Loving More Than One 