Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

One Year Mark

on February 2, 2012

Well, today marks one year since the breakup. It took me a remarkably long time to get any kind of closure on that. And I still find I think of Chane (and Arwen too at times) more than may be normal. I don’t know. I’m never sure what normal really is any longer.

Dirk thinks of them and does miss some of our fun times but he really misses Chane. He doesn’t have many friends like he was with him.

Chane’s birthday was particularly rough for me and I’m not sure why.

Our oldest son even misses them at times and has re-established contact with Chane. I’ve very thankful that Chane has talked with him. I don’t ask about what just in case any of you were wondering. 🙂

Dirk and I aren’t in other relationships at the moment. Life has just gotten in the way of that. We are too busy surviving by working all that we can to have the time or finances to get out and about. It seems every time we think we are going to get at the least caught up, something else happens.

I’m a little at my wits end about that. A couple of things have gone right so far this new year so I keep telling myself that this is our year. That is will all get solved this year.

I do hope that I am not as bad as one friend has told me…otherwise, I’m headed for a hospitalization from a breakdown. Some days it does seem too much but mostly I just think we will make it through.

Back on topic….there are times I wonder how Chane and Arwen are fairing in life. Hoping things are going well for them and their family.

Dirk and I don’t avoid mentioning them to each other at all. We have some great memories of them.

There are times I wonder did I do all that I could have done to make it work.

There are times I regret how I ended things.

There are times I know I did the right thing and times I question it.

All these times are fewer than they used to be. But I wonder if they will ever completely go away. I’m starting to doubt it. Chane was a very important part of my life. You just don’t forget that and never think of it again. At least I don’t.


8 responses to “One Year Mark

  1. Jack says:

    Having watched you all the way through and knowing a lot of the behind-the-scenes stuff, i don’t think you could have done any different. You handled it just fine and i don’t think that anyone could have saved that relationship.

  2. IntrigueMe says:

    You’re not supposed to offer it, you’re supposed to be happy you lived it and remember it fondly. 🙂 wow, that year sure did fly by though.

  3. hollybernabe says:

    Break ups are painful. You have my sympathy on that. You will probably be wondering about Chane for many years to come. (((hugs)))

    • Yes, they are. It hurts less than it did. Though I have more sad feelings than hurt ones now. I’m sure I will wonder about him for a long time. I just don’t forget people. Even old boyfriends and such from high school with come into my thoughts from time to time.

  4. Alphasiren says:

    Sigh~ reading your post makes me more determined to work on our foursome relationship we are in right now. I would miss them so much. Thanks for sharing and inspiring me to work even harder.

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