Loving More Than One

Polyamory as it relates to my life and written from my perspective only. MY thoughts, feelings and opinions.

Thought Question #697

I’m enjoying these thought questions. Some I’m just finding interesting and others well, they make me think and possibly share more of myself with you than I would be. At least here lately. And they help this overworked mind stay writing.

One sentence version:

My relationship with my father is non-existent.


Longer version.

I have no contact with my bio dad. He left when I was very young and I did re-establish contact when I was an adult. He hadn’t changed but I could say at least I tried.

I have very limited contact with my step father. It would be none at all if possible. Seeing that he is still a part of my mother’s life and also that of my baby sister’s, there is some. I won’t go into the why’s of it all at this time. And I may have shared a little already but I’ll consider doing a whole post on it if I feel I can do it without compromising my autonomy.

I LOVE my father-in-law. He is my father figure. Thank you for him Dirk.


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Thought Question #696

10 years ago? I have to really think about this. Long term memory is not my strong suit and, even though this isn’t a huge expanse of time, I have so much going on in my head right now that sorting this all out made me really have to think.

First, we weren’t non-monogamous in any way. Not too many years from it and the fantasies of group sex were there in our lives just not a realization yet. Polyamory wasn’t even a thought or an awareness of its existence. Pretty vanilla in most ways.

We were still rather active in organized religion though the organized part had begun to pale for us. But we were a mainstream, mostly normal couple at this time.

Still 2 years away from being grandparents at an early age. Started the hormonal thing with the boys pretty heavy with the oldest son.

Very busy with extra curricular activities for them. On the go constantly.

No health issues due to age. Eyesight was still about the same as my young years (nearsighted). We took that for granted. The being in fairly good health and able to get up and go with out making bone cracking noises. 🙂

It was a good time for our marriage. We had gotten past the general problems of the earlier years. We were starting on the ones that all the work had made possible. Though we communicated rather well, it wasn’t what we would later be able to do. (Even now, I find that we don’t discuss things as much as we were while in multiple relationships. When something isn’t absolutely necessary you let it slide.)

We were on the cusp is seems of some life changing decisions. Little did we know.

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Thought Question #694


We think that we are always going to have a tomorrow. A tomorrow to be with someone, a tomorrow to get something done, a tomorrow to tell someone something, or just a tomorrow period.

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Thought Question #689

I’ve been turned to this site by a new blogger I’m reading.

Since I seem to be wallowing in the sameness of life, same drama, same relationships and all and I’ve been a bit stressed at work so I’m not thinking well to gather my own thoughts….and I happen to like some of these….I’m adding these to my blog to get my brain going again at the least.


Good quality time with those I love. Particularly of the romantic kind. Currently, I’m only in one relationship but, I know from experience that quality time (and sometimes quantity) is not easy to come by with any relationship. I truly enjoy spending time with those I love.


Thought Questions 687


There is nothing like the release of laughter. It’s the best medicine for ails you in my opinion.

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A Big Step

It’s a long story as to why my mother would need a place to live and it isn’t something I really would like to elaborate on. It upsets me and it would risk anonymity.

However, Dirk and I have offered for her to move here and live with us. Her and her dog. That’s a big step. I love my mother but she does “rub” at my nerves even on visits so living in the same house would most likely exasperate that somewhat.

Truthfully, I doubt she takes us up on the offer. Which will disappoint me in her reasons why she didn’t. I have a sister she used to live with but she moved across country. Mom was asked to go with them and refused. I feel it would have been good for her. She has been living with a sister that really doesn’t have the room for her and mom doesn’t have much privacy at all.

I think, ideally, it would work if mom rotated between the four of her children. Well, that’s ideally in the situation she is currently in. The actual idea would be for her to have her own place. But that isn’t possible at this time.

I want my mom to be happy, to feel she belongs somewhere.


No Resolutions

I’m not much for setting New Year resolutions. I’ll either do something or I won’t. Making a resolution doesn’t make it any different for me.

However, it’s the start of a new year that has new possibilities so I will celebrate that.

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A Great Christmas!

Even my children have said this was one of the best times they’ve had at Christmas in a while.

It was favorite one for Dirk and I. Not much stress over who to spend the time with. When it turned out our youngest and his GF could travel with us then that was the end of that.

Of course there was some stress over making sure I spent some time with each of the boys and my mom and sister. It worked out but I am tired.

Tired mostly I guess because the drive back was long and late. Getting behind wrecks on the interstate causes that. But I couldn’t get upset because I was thankful it wasn’t us involved.

I couldn’t rest on the trip back as I planned because I was requested to bring a puppy back for the sister who lives her. Good pup but still time consuming.  She was happy. Even though doing so meant I didn’t have room left to bring her gifts back and she’ll have to wait on them to be mailed.

I’m really up in arms about my oldest. He is so homesick right now. He is missing us badly. He hated to see us go. I miss him too. But I truly think he needed the time with family more than the rest of us. I was happy to have had to opportunity to give it to him.

He’s met a girl and spent some time with her around us and her family. I hope he takes it slowly. She appears the type that would do that but I’ve been fooled in the past.

Then there’s not quite a family gathering unless someone pisses you off in some way. It wasn’t my stepfather. It was my BIL. Long story but it ended in him invading my son’s privacy on his computer and we had some words. Not a lot and not bad. We did well in getting our feelings across without a blown out deal. But it added to the true holiday package didn’t it? 😉

Oh and no snow 😦 but colder weather was nice. Too much food and homemade candy though.

P.S. Nothing was mentioned about our alternative lifestyle. That may have helped with some things.



Home for the Holidays!

I’m going home for Christmas for the first time in many years. It worked out that we both could this year. We’ll be with my mother, one sister and her family, and both my children!

Don’t want you to think I forgot about you though.


I Need to Vent

I need to be a whiny baby. Nothing can be changed. Some one does have it worse than me but…I’m pulled in too many directions right now and do not have the money some of the directions require.

Work, with the accident, my work is behind. And this is one of the worst possible times for that. I need to be here more hours and not less but things still are not as stable with hubby as they need to be. I’m thankful to have a job but really need to be away from it for a little longer. Doing things piecemeal as I did last week may have cost me a mistake that I will end up paying financially down the road. It is what it is. And it isn’t the end of the world.

Hubby, he isn’t as better as he had hoped to be and will not be back at work today like his job wanted. If I hear one more person tell me he should burn the motorcycle I will scream. He is doing much better but now you have to add in the psychological frustrations of not healing fast, the getting tired of not being able to do as normal period and the having the ask for help.

One child is in the process of making a major purchase and he constantly calls checking in. He’s trying to do the right thing and knows that it’s his decision but with things as they are with us, he worries about things too. He’s moved closer to home and is job hunting.

The other child is job hunting as well and really would like to move back home too. Just trying to weigh the pros and cons of that.

Trying to get it all done is getting to be overwhelming for me. So, I had to get some of it out by whining a bit here.